Growing Up In America | The Relationship Foundation

Relationships On Campus

After a couple weeks of NVC training, I began to look back on the last couple years of my life through a new lens. I started thinking about how my perspective on relationships has evolved from the lovey-dovey Disney-Princess-love to surrounding myself with people who are honest, respectful and open. One of the more striking things I?ve noticed through my trip down memory lane is how the word ?relationship? is rarely used to describe the bonds between men and women in college. It?s as if college students are creating terms to avoid describing what they have as a relationship: ?Hooking up,? ?Non-/Exclusive? and ?Friends with benefits? is language becoming more and more popular.

Through working with the Alliance for Sexual Assault Prevention program at my college, I am aware of the discontent that many students feel with the ambiguity of different ?relationships.? At first, I thought this was unique to my college; however, the more I researched the issue, I found that many students from a variety of colleges seemed to be unsatisfied with their college?s relationship culture.

One of the most notable aspects of college hookup culture is the power dynamic. The list of behavioral expectations for men and women is endless. For example: women are supposed to wait for the men to initiate the relationship, which puts women in the backseat. As a result, these women find themselves restrained from expressing how they really feel, which can have detrimental effects on them and their relationships. Furthermore, the social culture reinforces prescribed notions of masculinity and femininity that promote unhealthy relationships. Men as power holders and women as sexual objects is highlighted by party themes such as ?CEOs and Office Hos,? ?Bros and Hos? and ?Professor and Dirty School Girls.? This disconnect creates a pressure for both genders to abide by foolish expectations.

I have spent the last year involved with programs that aim to help students navigate the dating scene, or lack of thereof. Through this work, I have discovered how important communication can be to maintain and develop healthy relationships of all different types. In addition to new classes and new dorms, students are meeting new people and developing new kinds of relationships where communication is vital. These situations range from asking your roommate to pick up after themselves to speaking out against sexual assault. Both of these circumstances are extremely different and require unique vocabulary, but both require the person wronged to be confident enough to speak out.

In my opinion, feeling satisfied and hopeful is the best side effect of learning communication skills. After learning NVC, I know that my voice is important and valid. As a result, I feel renewed and content. I know that I can?t stop bad things from happening to me, but I know that I will be able express how I feel and what I need to make myself feel fulfilled. In being in touch with these feelings, my needs for communication, understanding and self-expression are met. Knowing these needs and feelings is important because I am now more honest with myself and with others.

-Janki, summer intern

FEELINGS: satisfied, hopeful, renewed, content, fulfilled
NEEDS:? communication, understanding, self-expression

Source: http://www.therelationshipfoundation.org/2012/07/growing-up-america/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=growing-up-america

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